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[lunenightingale]

Count Cain Fanfiction
Title: Double Edged Desires
Pairing: Cassian/Jezebel
Rating: PG
Notes/Summary: These are the depressing thoughts that shift through Cassian’s head towards his superior. It is pretty mild, just angsty. But seriously, I love this couple, so I had to write them at least a drabble in their honor. This has slight spoilers going up to the end of Castrato and a little from Godless. Not too bad and it wouldn’t really hurt anyone that hasn’t read it all. At least, I don’t think it would. Enjoy!

Dedicated to  eloquencelostand her sudden addiction to this pairing. ^^ I did promise to write something, ne? Just don’t tell my teachers that I’m not doing my homework and opting to play and write fanfiction. ^.~

Cross posted to my writing journal touketsu_yukiand the count_caincommunity. 

            The image never left his mind. Instead it was super imposed on his memory emerging in every dream and nightmare. It was beautiful. Soft pale locks trailing in the breeze and soft ivory skin glowing in the sunlight framed in nature. The sound of bird song filled his ears as well as the hoarse call of the squirrels as they had barked at his intrusion. That slight turn of the being’s head and perfect features illuminated as their eyes met was something he didn’t even intend to forget.

            In that light, there had been wings sprouting from Jezebel’s back, a pure powder white trimmed in silver. Why then was that person so tormented? Cassian hated the way that Jezebel talked, even though he cared so deeply for that child. Yes, the doctor was a child, no matter how much older he seemed. To the eternally young former circus performer, that innocence that hid behind a mask of desperate insanity, he was no more than a child crying for someone to look at him. No, not just anyone… for –that- man to look at him.

            That day he’d seen his own personal angel, Cassian made a promise to himself. He would protect that person, even if it meant giving up his dream. This was why he’d sit outside the doctor’s office so often just listening to him as his moods shifted far more swiftly than even the weather. It was also why he’d willing offered his life up in trade for Jezebel’s that day in Cassandra’s mansion. He’d not cared if that angelic figure saved him, he only pleaded that he escape from the binds that tethered Jezebel to Alexis. Such a child… He should have known his begging would fall on deaf ears.

            But as he felt his mind slip away, he idly wondered if things could have been different. What if he hadn’t had the body of a child? What if he could have looked into Jezebel’s eyes as an equal? But the pain was slowly blacking out his vision as the bitter smile slowly upturned his lips. Maybe he would ask him in another life, when both of them were granted a better portion… If there was a god… and if there was forgiveness…

            In that moment, a part of Cassian died, only to awaken within hell. Why did the doctor save him? More importantly… why must he have that face? Never in his life… not even from all the beatings he’d suffered under the ringmaster’s whip… did he hate a man as much as he did Cassandra.

            Touching trembling fingers to this face, this atrocity that he could not name, Cassian felt his heart fall. He couldn’t stay and face that angelic being any longer. With that face, he no longer had that right. By all rights, he should have been thankful. He should have been happy to be an adult for the first time in his life… instead his soul twisted in anguish. This face, this disgusting countenance that had hurt the doctor so deeply, would not be allowed to be seen by Jezebel. No matter what… Cassian would save the doctor that pain and make sure that he was always remembered as he was, rather than what he had become.

            “Doctor…” The roughened velvet sound of what was Cassandra’s voice caused his own eyes to widen. He was no longer Cassian any longer. Torment flashed over his face, a face that even a mask couldn’t hide from himself. Even still, he couldn’t leave well enough alone. He was alive. And so, he would do what needed to be done. Cassian would be there to catch his angel when Alexis finally managed to clip that precious being’s wings. Because… that was what you did for the people that you loved. For the only one that Cassian had loved even more than his own foolish desires. “Jezebel…” The sound was soft as it echoed in the small room. Yes, be it in shadows or in the light, he would be there as steadfastly as he always had been.